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chicafrom3AFTER AN HOUR-LONG RECAP SPECIAL WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER TWO MINUTES OF "PREVIOUSLY ON LOST", DAMMIT.
Hi, I missed you, show. As if you didn't know, you tease.
...Holy shit, the leaked four minutes were real.
Cindy! Rose! Bernard! Rose/Bernard! God, I love them.
...Desmond? The hell? HI DES I LOVE YOU BUT WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.
While in the middle of the ocean...some nice if unconvincing CGI goes on. ...the Island sunk? Did that shark have the DHARMA symbol on it? It went by too fast on my low-res TV screen for me to see. :(
DAMMIT, COMMERCIALS, WE'RE ONLY SEVEN MINUTES IN, HDU.
AND WE JUMP BACK IN (NARRATIVE) TIME AGAIN. Somebody get the Doctor on this show to straighten the timelines out.
...And Kate inna tree? I AM SO CONFUSED. I LOVE YOU, SHOW. ...I thought my sound wasn't working right before I figured out it was Kate's ears that weren't working right.
And Miles is with her. YAY MILES! ...I still don't know what's going on.
Aww, the Swan hatch after Desmond blew it up. *sadfaces at it*
...Jack?
Was the reset a hallucination, then? Maybe? *so confused* That would explain Desmond being there, though.
Sawyer!
I'm really just naming names now, aren't I?
Wait, back to the reset. Maybe it wasn't a hallucination. I'M SO CONFUSED. How many times have I said that so far? We're only fifteen minutes in.
ARZT AND HURLEY! AWESOMESAUCE. AND HURELY BEING RECOGNIZED AS THE OWNER OF MR. CLUCK'S CHICKEN. EVEN MORE AWESOME.
Aww, Hurley. :( "I'm the luckiest guy alive."
AND BACK TO THE NON-RESET UNIVERSE with Hurley and Jin. ...parallel alternate universes? Can't be, they're not running parallel time-wise. But the same sort of concept, separated by three months? Ish.
JULIET! SAYID! PLS BE OKAY?
"I'VE GOT A GUN! AND I KNOW HOW TO SHOOT IT!"
...Jacob? o.0
SO CONFUSED.
AND THERE'S ANOTHER GORRAM COMMERCIAL. D:
Reset!Jun/Sin being jealous of reset!Bernard/Rose. Aww, I forgot what a controlling jerk Jin was back in S1 before he made friends with Michael.
Boone! But where's Shannon? BOONE YOU SOUND NOTHING LIKE YOUR S1 SELF. BUT I FORGIVE YOU.
"I went down there to get my sister out of a bad relationship, but it turned out she didn't want to get out." *sadfaces* Shannon. *sadfaces more*
"I wouldn't make it two days without my cell phone."
"If this thing goes down, I'm sticking with you."
Boone & Locke. THEIR LOVE TRANSCENDS HISTORY.
Annnd, non-reset!not!Locke. There's too many exclamation points in that. But also Ben. Ben looks so shell-shocked.
Richard! Ilana! ...FRANK! ILU, Frank. And SUN! ILU, Sun.
"I'm happy to talk to John. But before I do, I think you should talk to him first!" Richard is a BAMF, man.
MORE COMMERICALS?!? I am not okay with this.
Ohh, Juliet. :( :( :(
Ohhhhhh, Sayid. :( :( :( :( :(
"Your friend Jin won't be able to see me."
"Why not?"
"'Cause I died an hour ago."
"That sucks."
That HAVE to save Juliet and Sayid. I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANYTHING ELSE.
BACK TO THE RESET.
CHARLIE! D: HE'S NOT BREATHING WTF NOOOOO.
...body-horror squick (JACK STUCK HIS FINGERS DOWN CHARLIE'S THROAT), but CHARLIE'S ALIVE! And conscious. That was fast.
AND WITH SHORT HAIR, LOOKING VERY LITTLE LIKE HE DID IN S1. This may be a recurring theme for me in the reset!universe, I warn you.
"I'm alive?"
"Yeah, you're alive."
"...terrific."
BACK TO NON!RESET.
JULIEEEEET. *bawls like a small child* "You hit the bomb? Why?" "I wanted you to be able to go home."
"I'm gonna get you out of here and we're all gonna go home together, you hear me."
Sayiiiiiid. D: D: D:
"Who's Jacob?"
"Does it matter? Can you fix Sayid, Jack?"
AND NOW THERE'S SHOOTING.
WTFWTFWTF SMOKEY TO THE ~RESCUE~ I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THE SMOKE MONSTER A LITTLE
I AM SO CONFUSED
GET OUT OF THERE, BEN! NO, DON'T LOOK BACK! THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU!
*squeak*
Not!Locke is so creepy.
I feel like the show is giving me answers but I am too confused to understand them. The show is very good at that, to be fair. A rewatch is clearly in order.
She'd BETTER be okay, Kate.
DON'T DIE JULIET D: D: D:
"I have to tell you something. It's really really important..."
D: D: D:
YOU FAIL WRITERS (you don't really fail but I'm mad at you anyway) HDU
D: D: D:
BACK TO THE RESET.
Charlie, you're not supposed to die! You're supposed to live happy ever after with Claire and Aaron! ...isn't there going to be some kind of fallout with what they pulled out of his mouth? Are they just waiting to land and security will be waiting for him? Is there no other security they would take?
GREG GRUNBERG! ILU, GREG GRUNBERG.
...Oceanic 815 is landing at LAX. That's something we thought we'd never see five years ago.
Oh, there's Charlie's cops. Well, that explains that. Never mind me, then.
Jack, you pulled a bag of heroin out of the guy's mouth. Don't look so confused about why he's now being led off by the police. ...also, I am weirdly and probably nonsensically amused that the cops take Charlie's guitar with them.
God this montage is so weird and also depressing and also uplifting.
...and that's episode one of two. It's weird how even though it is theoretically one two-hour episode, at the one-hour mark it feels like the end of an episode. You know? That getting-off-the-plane montage was definitely an end-of-episode montage. Don't reason at me.
Back to the non-reset.
Jules. D: D: D:
And Hurley and Jin and Sayid and a guitar case off to the Temple Of Mystery. And Jack and Kate, I guess. But they don't count.
Awww, Sawyer. D: D:
...Is Miles gonna talk to Juliet and find out what she wanted to tell Sawyer? Is he?
Back to reset.
...how do you lose a coffin? o.0 Fail, Oceanic.
...back to non-reset. Well, that was quick.
Who brings a book into a cave? ...well, I would, Hurley. If I had some light. Caves are theoretically nice quiet places to read. ...in theory.
And Montand's arm!
"Well, this is gonna be awesome."
This is so trippy. Look, now they're prisoners! (Is that the French team? o.0) And being taken to the temple! Which is...where they wanted to go.
When did it get to be daylight? Wasn't it nighttime five minutes ago?
That is an awesome shot.
"Guess we found the temple."
Guess you did.
I AM SO CONFUSED AND COMMERCIALS ARE NOT HELPING.
Back to reset.
"Anything to declare?"
"Just a murderer."
Kate has a lockpick? You'd think the Marshall would have found that before now. ...she's not very good with it, is she? Hey, look he found your spring.
She is a terrible liar for a fugitive. Kind of like how Sawyer is a terrible liar for a con man.
And now for Kate/Sawyer.
...
Back to non-reset and Sawyer being tragic.
"I think that will do it, boss."
"Stop calling me boss."
Yesss. Sawyer is calling out Miles' ghost-talking ability. More people should do that.
"You're the only one around who talks to dead people."
"That's not how it works."
What did he say she wanted to say? "It worked"? I hate my TV. If it was "It worked"..."All stories are true!"
CINDY?!?!
"I know who they are. They were on the first plane. Oceanic 815. Along with me."
This is SO CONFUSING.
"JACOB SENT US!"
What's in the guitar case?!
...an ankh. THIS IS SO CONFUSING. WTF IS GOING ON HERE PEOPLE.
And now they broke it. There is a note inside the ankh!
"That paper said if your friend there dies...we're all in a lot of trouble."
MORE COMMERCIALS. And only half an hour left. ARRRGH. Hey, it's Miss Piggy and Taye Diggs.
Back to the reset.
Aww, Jin's lack of English. :( And Sun wants to help but can't without blowing her cover. :(
TALKING LOUDLY AND SLOWLY DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH UNDERSTAND YOU.
"Do you understand me?"
"No." Beat. "English."
See, guys, Sun knows how to lie.
Back to non-reset.
IT'S NOT WORKING. WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?
I don't know WTF is going on. I don't really care.
"Can unconscious people hold their breath?"
"No!"
"What are they waiting for?"
For the sand to run out. Duh.
SAYIIIIIID!
"Your friend is dead."
D: D: D: D: D:
WTFMAN
"Jack, he's dead. He's not coming back! Stop it!"
Shades of All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues? Except it worked there.
More commercials, are you frelling kidding me?
Back to reset.
Sayiiid. D:
Neil! The Frogurt Guy! Being obnoxious to Kate! Wanting his taxi! ILU, Neil the Frogurt Guy. I know I might be the only one who loves you, but, there it is.
CLAIIIIIIRE! :D :D :D
CLAIRE BEING ALL FREAKED OUT BY KATE'S GUN!
CLAIIIIIIRE! :D :D :D
I LOVE YOU, CLAIRE!!!!
...erm.
Back to non-reset.
Zack & Emma! I missed you kids. Not really. But I'm happy to see you're still alive and doing okay.
And the on-Island gang is reunited.
"I don't like the way English tastes on my tongue."
I like this guy.
The looks of shock and pissed-offness and WTFness on their faces upon hearing that Jacob is dead...
"This isn't to keep you in. It's to keep him out."
"Him? Who?"
Not!Locke, of course! ...Hurley doesn't know about not!Locke.
"I'm not a what, Ben, I'm a who."
"You're the monster."
"Let's not resort to name-calling."
Awww, Ben. I always feel weird when Ben makes me go "aww" at him.
Not!Locke is so creepy. Well done, Terry O'Quinn.
"That's the irony, Ben, because I want the one thing John Locke didn't. I want. To go. Home."
ACK, COMMERCIALS.
Aww, Hurley saying goodbye to Sayid. :( "If you ever want to talk...I'm around." *sadfaces all over the place*
Oh, Miles.
Oh...triangle drama. Something new and different.
Back to the reset.
Jack's mama drama.
And Locke! Real Locke. Not not!Locke.
"Well, they lost one of my bags. How about you?"
"Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
"They lost my father."
"...excuse me?"
I don't know if this is the right time for a philosophy lecture, though.
Aww, Locke's knives got lost. Tragic.
"Hope you find that coffin."
"Hope you find your knives."
"Nothing is irreversible."
SHUT UP JACK.
Non-reset.
FRANK!
And SUN!
And RICHARD!
And ILANA!
And NOT!LOCKE! "Don't shoot him! Don't shoot!"
"Hello, Richard. It's good to see you out of those chains."
"...YOU."
"Me."
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO RICHARD. D: D:
And DEAD REAL!LOCKE!
And back to the temple gang.
SAYIIIIID!
"What happened?"
EXCELLENT QUESTION.
I DON'T KNOW WTF JUST HAPPENED BUT I DON'T CARE I LOVED IT I'M SO GLAD MY SHOW IS BACK.
Please don't leave me again, show.
Hi, I missed you, show. As if you didn't know, you tease.
...Holy shit, the leaked four minutes were real.
Cindy! Rose! Bernard! Rose/Bernard! God, I love them.
...Desmond? The hell? HI DES I LOVE YOU BUT WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.
While in the middle of the ocean...some nice if unconvincing CGI goes on. ...the Island sunk? Did that shark have the DHARMA symbol on it? It went by too fast on my low-res TV screen for me to see. :(
DAMMIT, COMMERCIALS, WE'RE ONLY SEVEN MINUTES IN, HDU.
AND WE JUMP BACK IN (NARRATIVE) TIME AGAIN. Somebody get the Doctor on this show to straighten the timelines out.
...And Kate inna tree? I AM SO CONFUSED. I LOVE YOU, SHOW. ...I thought my sound wasn't working right before I figured out it was Kate's ears that weren't working right.
And Miles is with her. YAY MILES! ...I still don't know what's going on.
Aww, the Swan hatch after Desmond blew it up. *sadfaces at it*
...Jack?
Was the reset a hallucination, then? Maybe? *so confused* That would explain Desmond being there, though.
Sawyer!
I'm really just naming names now, aren't I?
Wait, back to the reset. Maybe it wasn't a hallucination. I'M SO CONFUSED. How many times have I said that so far? We're only fifteen minutes in.
ARZT AND HURLEY! AWESOMESAUCE. AND HURELY BEING RECOGNIZED AS THE OWNER OF MR. CLUCK'S CHICKEN. EVEN MORE AWESOME.
Aww, Hurley. :( "I'm the luckiest guy alive."
AND BACK TO THE NON-RESET UNIVERSE with Hurley and Jin. ...parallel alternate universes? Can't be, they're not running parallel time-wise. But the same sort of concept, separated by three months? Ish.
JULIET! SAYID! PLS BE OKAY?
"I'VE GOT A GUN! AND I KNOW HOW TO SHOOT IT!"
...Jacob? o.0
SO CONFUSED.
AND THERE'S ANOTHER GORRAM COMMERCIAL. D:
Reset!Jun/Sin being jealous of reset!Bernard/Rose. Aww, I forgot what a controlling jerk Jin was back in S1 before he made friends with Michael.
Boone! But where's Shannon? BOONE YOU SOUND NOTHING LIKE YOUR S1 SELF. BUT I FORGIVE YOU.
"I went down there to get my sister out of a bad relationship, but it turned out she didn't want to get out." *sadfaces* Shannon. *sadfaces more*
"I wouldn't make it two days without my cell phone."
"If this thing goes down, I'm sticking with you."
Boone & Locke. THEIR LOVE TRANSCENDS HISTORY.
Annnd, non-reset!not!Locke. There's too many exclamation points in that. But also Ben. Ben looks so shell-shocked.
Richard! Ilana! ...FRANK! ILU, Frank. And SUN! ILU, Sun.
"I'm happy to talk to John. But before I do, I think you should talk to him first!" Richard is a BAMF, man.
MORE COMMERICALS?!? I am not okay with this.
Ohh, Juliet. :( :( :(
Ohhhhhh, Sayid. :( :( :( :( :(
"Your friend Jin won't be able to see me."
"Why not?"
"'Cause I died an hour ago."
"That sucks."
That HAVE to save Juliet and Sayid. I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANYTHING ELSE.
BACK TO THE RESET.
CHARLIE! D: HE'S NOT BREATHING WTF NOOOOO.
...body-horror squick (JACK STUCK HIS FINGERS DOWN CHARLIE'S THROAT), but CHARLIE'S ALIVE! And conscious. That was fast.
AND WITH SHORT HAIR, LOOKING VERY LITTLE LIKE HE DID IN S1. This may be a recurring theme for me in the reset!universe, I warn you.
"I'm alive?"
"Yeah, you're alive."
"...terrific."
BACK TO NON!RESET.
JULIEEEEET. *bawls like a small child* "You hit the bomb? Why?" "I wanted you to be able to go home."
"I'm gonna get you out of here and we're all gonna go home together, you hear me."
Sayiiiiiid. D: D: D:
"Who's Jacob?"
"Does it matter? Can you fix Sayid, Jack?"
AND NOW THERE'S SHOOTING.
WTFWTFWTF SMOKEY TO THE ~RESCUE~ I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THE SMOKE MONSTER A LITTLE
I AM SO CONFUSED
GET OUT OF THERE, BEN! NO, DON'T LOOK BACK! THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU!
*squeak*
Not!Locke is so creepy.
I feel like the show is giving me answers but I am too confused to understand them. The show is very good at that, to be fair. A rewatch is clearly in order.
She'd BETTER be okay, Kate.
DON'T DIE JULIET D: D: D:
"I have to tell you something. It's really really important..."
D: D: D:
YOU FAIL WRITERS (you don't really fail but I'm mad at you anyway) HDU
D: D: D:
BACK TO THE RESET.
Charlie, you're not supposed to die! You're supposed to live happy ever after with Claire and Aaron! ...isn't there going to be some kind of fallout with what they pulled out of his mouth? Are they just waiting to land and security will be waiting for him? Is there no other security they would take?
GREG GRUNBERG! ILU, GREG GRUNBERG.
...Oceanic 815 is landing at LAX. That's something we thought we'd never see five years ago.
Oh, there's Charlie's cops. Well, that explains that. Never mind me, then.
Jack, you pulled a bag of heroin out of the guy's mouth. Don't look so confused about why he's now being led off by the police. ...also, I am weirdly and probably nonsensically amused that the cops take Charlie's guitar with them.
God this montage is so weird and also depressing and also uplifting.
...and that's episode one of two. It's weird how even though it is theoretically one two-hour episode, at the one-hour mark it feels like the end of an episode. You know? That getting-off-the-plane montage was definitely an end-of-episode montage. Don't reason at me.
Back to the non-reset.
Jules. D: D: D:
And Hurley and Jin and Sayid and a guitar case off to the Temple Of Mystery. And Jack and Kate, I guess. But they don't count.
Awww, Sawyer. D: D:
...Is Miles gonna talk to Juliet and find out what she wanted to tell Sawyer? Is he?
Back to reset.
...how do you lose a coffin? o.0 Fail, Oceanic.
...back to non-reset. Well, that was quick.
Who brings a book into a cave? ...well, I would, Hurley. If I had some light. Caves are theoretically nice quiet places to read. ...in theory.
And Montand's arm!
"Well, this is gonna be awesome."
This is so trippy. Look, now they're prisoners! (Is that the French team? o.0) And being taken to the temple! Which is...where they wanted to go.
When did it get to be daylight? Wasn't it nighttime five minutes ago?
That is an awesome shot.
"Guess we found the temple."
Guess you did.
I AM SO CONFUSED AND COMMERCIALS ARE NOT HELPING.
Back to reset.
"Anything to declare?"
"Just a murderer."
Kate has a lockpick? You'd think the Marshall would have found that before now. ...she's not very good with it, is she? Hey, look he found your spring.
She is a terrible liar for a fugitive. Kind of like how Sawyer is a terrible liar for a con man.
And now for Kate/Sawyer.
...
Back to non-reset and Sawyer being tragic.
"I think that will do it, boss."
"Stop calling me boss."
Yesss. Sawyer is calling out Miles' ghost-talking ability. More people should do that.
"You're the only one around who talks to dead people."
"That's not how it works."
What did he say she wanted to say? "It worked"? I hate my TV. If it was "It worked"..."All stories are true!"
CINDY?!?!
"I know who they are. They were on the first plane. Oceanic 815. Along with me."
This is SO CONFUSING.
"JACOB SENT US!"
What's in the guitar case?!
...an ankh. THIS IS SO CONFUSING. WTF IS GOING ON HERE PEOPLE.
And now they broke it. There is a note inside the ankh!
"That paper said if your friend there dies...we're all in a lot of trouble."
MORE COMMERCIALS. And only half an hour left. ARRRGH. Hey, it's Miss Piggy and Taye Diggs.
Back to the reset.
Aww, Jin's lack of English. :( And Sun wants to help but can't without blowing her cover. :(
TALKING LOUDLY AND SLOWLY DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH UNDERSTAND YOU.
"Do you understand me?"
"No." Beat. "English."
See, guys, Sun knows how to lie.
Back to non-reset.
IT'S NOT WORKING. WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?
I don't know WTF is going on. I don't really care.
"Can unconscious people hold their breath?"
"No!"
"What are they waiting for?"
For the sand to run out. Duh.
SAYIIIIIID!
"Your friend is dead."
D: D: D: D: D:
WTFMAN
"Jack, he's dead. He's not coming back! Stop it!"
Shades of All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues? Except it worked there.
More commercials, are you frelling kidding me?
Back to reset.
Sayiiid. D:
Neil! The Frogurt Guy! Being obnoxious to Kate! Wanting his taxi! ILU, Neil the Frogurt Guy. I know I might be the only one who loves you, but, there it is.
CLAIIIIIIRE! :D :D :D
CLAIRE BEING ALL FREAKED OUT BY KATE'S GUN!
CLAIIIIIIRE! :D :D :D
I LOVE YOU, CLAIRE!!!!
...erm.
Back to non-reset.
Zack & Emma! I missed you kids. Not really. But I'm happy to see you're still alive and doing okay.
And the on-Island gang is reunited.
"I don't like the way English tastes on my tongue."
I like this guy.
The looks of shock and pissed-offness and WTFness on their faces upon hearing that Jacob is dead...
"This isn't to keep you in. It's to keep him out."
"Him? Who?"
Not!Locke, of course! ...Hurley doesn't know about not!Locke.
"I'm not a what, Ben, I'm a who."
"You're the monster."
"Let's not resort to name-calling."
Awww, Ben. I always feel weird when Ben makes me go "aww" at him.
Not!Locke is so creepy. Well done, Terry O'Quinn.
"That's the irony, Ben, because I want the one thing John Locke didn't. I want. To go. Home."
ACK, COMMERCIALS.
Aww, Hurley saying goodbye to Sayid. :( "If you ever want to talk...I'm around." *sadfaces all over the place*
Oh, Miles.
Oh...triangle drama. Something new and different.
Back to the reset.
Jack's mama drama.
And Locke! Real Locke. Not not!Locke.
"Well, they lost one of my bags. How about you?"
"Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
"They lost my father."
"...excuse me?"
I don't know if this is the right time for a philosophy lecture, though.
Aww, Locke's knives got lost. Tragic.
"Hope you find that coffin."
"Hope you find your knives."
"Nothing is irreversible."
SHUT UP JACK.
Non-reset.
FRANK!
And SUN!
And RICHARD!
And ILANA!
And NOT!LOCKE! "Don't shoot him! Don't shoot!"
"Hello, Richard. It's good to see you out of those chains."
"...YOU."
"Me."
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO RICHARD. D: D:
And DEAD REAL!LOCKE!
And back to the temple gang.
SAYIIIIID!
"What happened?"
EXCELLENT QUESTION.
I DON'T KNOW WTF JUST HAPPENED BUT I DON'T CARE I LOVED IT I'M SO GLAD MY SHOW IS BACK.
Please don't leave me again, show.
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no subject
And the whole Shannon not being there thing is because they couldn't get the actress back for the scene...so they fudged it up a bit. But YAY! BOONE!
And holy crap...that temple is epic...now we know who snatched Cindy and the kids...and holy crap MIB!Locke is one BAMF...who totally used Ben and I think will be doing so the rest of the season...and that chains line makes me think that Richard is MUCH older than we think...I think he came in on the Black Rock!
GAH! SHOW I'VE MISSED YOU!!!
no subject
And yes, not!Locke is a complete BAMF and it's going to be so fascinating seeing where the show takes him and Ben.
AND OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW I'VE MISSED IT SO MUCH *FLAILS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON*
no subject
no subject
I think Hurley really is the luckiest guy alive in the alternate timeline though. At least, that is what I'm choosing to believe, because when Hurley is happy I am happy.
I forgot how jerky Jin was too, it makes me super sad.
It was JUST LIKE All the Best Cowboys have Daddy Issues, I kinda want to watch the two scenes next to each other just to see how identical they are.
I like this parallel timeline thing a whole lot. I want to know more about Richard right now. These are only a few of my feelings.
no subject
MAYBE ALT!JIN WILL MAGICALLY MEET ALT!MICHAEL AND BECOME BESTEST FRIENDS AND REPAIR HIS MARRIAGE?
There's so much I want to know more about. And I'm still full of *flail*
no subject
no subject
But if nobody writes this fic I will sadface forever.