you're my dearest darling danish

[chicafrom3]

Snippets from a crossover that I will probably never write in its full form.

"I'm the Doctor," he says, wearily; he can already see the spark of challenge in the other's eyes -- "Just 'the Doctor'."

"Ah," the young man answers with a nod. "Then I'm the guy in the black hat. The man in the black hat? Black hat guy."

The Doctor blinks.

"And this is my -- this is black hair girl."

"Black hat girl," she corrects.

"You don't have a black hat."

She grabs it off his head, pulls it down over her hair, and says, "Now I do."

He frowns and a brief tussle ensues for ownership of the black hat. When it ends, the young man is back in possession, but the young woman doesn't look as displeased as she might, and the Doctor suspects she let him win.

"Black hair girl, then," she says, and they agree to that.




They aren't as impressed by the TARDIS as the Doctor thought they would be, and it almost disappoints him that neither of them comments on the fact that it's bigger on the inside than the outside.

Instead, within moments they have laptops set up and are running diagnostics and simulations. Black Hat Guy pulls up a section of the floor and climbs inside, starting to poke around curiously; Black Hair Girl pokes disdainfully at the vortex loop console and proceeds to try to open up the time rotor. The Doctor stops her before she can do any serious damage to it or herself and she starts deciphering the rest of the controls instead, after rolling her eyes dramatically at him. Within moments, the couple is discussing the theory and practical applications and what they'll need to do to properly reverse-engineer a TARDIS of their own.

Neither of them asks if the Doctor will let them stay, or if they can go with him. They just assume it.

It's unusual and odd and kind of reassuring.




They go to Arkintoofle Minor. Black Hair Girl wears a black baseball cap she found in the wardrobe -- the Doctor thinks it might once have belonged to Susan -- and stiletto heels -- he doesn't know where she found those. Black Hat Guy wolf-whistles at her and she pretends not to have heard him.

The Doctor loses track of them in the marketplace. There's a disturbance, and for a while he worries about her. She must've had to run in those ridiculous heels. Probably sprained her ankle.

When he tracks the pair of them down again, they're standing calmly in the middle of the disturbance, Black Hat Guy sucking on a sweet thoughtfully.

The Doctor pretends not to notice the stiletto-shaped holes in the heads and bodies of the nearest (very dead) attackers. Black Hair Girl doesn't look the least bit ruffled.




"You didn't have to vaporize him," the Doctor says, aggrieved. "I could have talked him into giving himself up."

"But he was a mime," Black Hat Guy says cheerfully, not the least bit sorry.

And really, it does solve the problem of how to rescue the hostages, so the Doctor supposes he can let it go this once.





They leave the Cretaceous Period, fast, after the Doctor realizes that his companions are trying to teach a pack of velociraptors to use sonic blasters as weapons.

"Where did you even get those guns?" the Doctor demands, at a complete loss for how to deal with this.

"Villengard," they say, almost perfectly together.

He tries not to think about the fact that he hasn't actually taken them to Villengard.

He destroys the guns.

They build new ones. Better ones.





Black Hair Girl finds an old cache of Ace's Nitro-9 and the glee is almost tangible.

The Doctor starts making a list of all the places he probably shouldn't bring them. Anywhere with dinosaurs. Anywhere with computers. Anywhere with even the possibility of a civil revolution.

It doesn't seem to matter. Anywhere they go, they find (or make) trouble.

After Black Hat Guy seriously disfigures a well-known Quinnisian poet for abusing grammar, the Doctor starts wondering if he shouldn't dump them somewhere. He could always get new companions, right?